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UPDATE: Currently having a life crisis. But no worries, because tetris cures everything. MATERIAL POSSESSIONS AREN'T IMPORTANT TO ME, ALL THAT MATTERS IS TETRIS.PRACTISE SAFE SEX.
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Saturday, December 24, 2011
What’s the real meaning of Christmas? To experience the joy and soak up the festive season? Or to experience the boredom and soak up the alcohol?
Christmas in Singapore is as depressing as it can get. Surely the mention of ‘Christmas’ conjures up images of falling snow outside and a roaring fireplace inside with merrily crackling fires and plush hearth rugs. Frost coats windows in a gossamer layer outside and paper chain decorations strew thickly across the glass inside. Jack Frost’s mischief can’t hurt you while you’re enveloped by heavenly warmth.
That’s all illusory for a country located smack right on the Equator. Christmas here comes with 30°C weather and humidity almost high enough to us to stick our tongues out and drink the water. This inevitably makes everyone uncomfortably hot and sticky. The sweat and the odour, OH THE ODOUR! When we try to mask that stench with perfumes, deodorants, body mists, all those smells combine to form a fluid soup in the air. Everyone just mills around in that BO-perfume-soup. What about the snow? Yeah of course we have that, in a plastic Styrofoam version.
I do yearn for those material aspects of Christmas, but I’m far from agreeing with the spiritual side. It’s all that love again. Everything has to close in on this bloody love-thing! I wouldn’t mind celebrating Christmas with friends, but most people celebrate it with their family right? Of course my life is uneventful now, but I can just imagine how awkward and tiring it’ll be in future. Parents coming over, having to explain your life so far, having them judge if your life is going to turn out successful, hearing them hinting every five minutes on you making a baby soon, etc. I could collapse from all that tension.
Not so bad this year. In fact it’s gonna be absolutely marvelous, I think. I’m going to spend Christmas at YanTing’s house, complete with steamboat for dinner! Not exactly how you would imagine Christmas to be like especially if her Chinese New Year decorations are already up (as are mine, perpetually). But who cares, I’m going to spend it with nice people! Hopefully some of their nice-ness will rub off on me.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Fear of family: famaphobia.
I have that.
My aunt and I walked home all the way from Lakeside to Clementi. On the way home, besides hovering on the brink of crippling, I also had an increasing...developing...distinct, revelation I guess would be the word, that I really cannot deal with some human emotions. For now I can only name love and sympathy. I can handle hatred. Hatred's like a beast, a chimera ignited in the mind. You know what to do. You have to kill the beast. Love to me's like a newborn baby. Can you picture the bundle of joy? Can you see the bliss and feel the instinct to treasure this baby? I can't. I can't see past the red, screwed-up face. I won't know what to do with it. Does it want milk? Is it sick? Should I change the diapers? It's, it's such a complex emotion, love.
More specifically I'm afraid of family love. Some say friends are your chosen family but I beg to differ. Friends can never impress upon me the same effect as family. Unless, you know, some unfortunate incidences turned a friend into my family. I say I'm afraid of family love not because I'm scarred by a broken family (raging alcoholic dad, parents on edge of divorce, abusive parents etc.) but because I simply cannot acquire it. I repel it. I don't want it. My aunt was talking to me during the whole trip-on-foot. She said typical family things like 'will always be there for you', 'if you have any trouble you know you can always find me', 'stop worrying so much and just be happy everyday', 'you've got to take care of your body', 'don't hu2si1luan4xiang3' etc. Her arm was latched on mine the whole time. Everything she said made me feel so uncomfortable and ill. It's not just that it's cheesey (and I already can't handle cheesey stuff), it's, I don't know, it's more than that. I feel constricted by that arm latched onto mine and those kindly words. You can't say I'm ungrateful, what the heck, or maybe you can because I don't care. But my point is that this is a phobia! That whole trip home I felt trapped on a hamster wheel, waiting and waiting for it to end. All that care and concern being willingly offered to me in abundance, I view them as daggers. It's not my fault. I want to be grateful too.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
List of names for my future cat/daughter (female):
Cara
Mischa
Calliope
Calypso
Crack whore
Honey
Wanton
Yoghurt
Chi
Katinka
Minxy
Katinka
Minxy
List of names for my future cat/son (male):
Darling
Horny
Roma
Dante
Caesar
Kow
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I have realized, after a few days of denial and a whole lot of bewilderment, that without school, I. Actually. Have. Nothing. To. Do. Or, nothing interesting to do anyway. And I have no one to do (haha). I thought, perhaps, after school (or Bore Camp) wrapped up for the holidays, I could surface from under all the workload and take a breather. But I emerged expecting at least SOMETHING and found nothing. It’s just as boring these few days! In fact Bore Camp was a hell lot better because at least I got to co-exist within 200 metres of nice and fun people but unfortunately some smelly ones too. I want to talk to these nice and fun people but I hate communicating via text. Via screens, whether it’s big screens (Facebook) or small screens (sms). I don’t want to freaking communicate through pixels! I want to talk face to face and spray saliva. I want to hear voices and smell bad breath and see faces and comment on huge pores. I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s restructured lecture…
I attributed the fact that I’m bored at home to the fact that I lack a cat. I shall get one in future and her name shall be Minxy. I can already imagine cuddling her to my face and ruffling up her fur and waggling her little paws. Then hopefully the most interesting event that occurs in my day will no longer be just a sneezing spaz.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I love movies and chocolate. It’s a wondrous combination. I think chocolate is best paired with movies with sexual innuendos, because it’s kind of like engaging in solo foreplay. Like, chocolate is a sex food, right? But I don’t do that ok. I so love chocolate. So much that I don’t want to eat them, but preserve the precious bar and savour every creamy morsel. I remember once I just licked the chocolate bar with the wrapping still intact, relishing the taste through chocolate diffusion or something. Normally I classify dark chocolate as inferior confectionary to milk chocolate due to the awful bitter aftertaste. But during movies I prefer dark chocolate slightly more to milk chocolate, just a little quirk. During movies I like my chocolate black, just like how I like my men.
Why do people like popcorn during movies? I like popcorn for breakfast. But during movies it’s dark and the puffy white stuff just scatter everywhere and you can’t see if you’re eating an unexploded corn kernel and crack your teeth and grimace painfully. Chocolate is so much easier. Just peel back the wrapper to expose cloying sweetness. Neat too. Popcorn isn’t good for eating in the dark; it’s just good for having mini food wars because it’s almost guaranteed that you can’t finish the whole bucket in a single sitting, so you might as well do something useful with it like throwing it in someone’s perfectly-styled hair.
If you haven’t tried chocolate + movies then you should, especially if you’re sad and single and boring and sadly, ugly because that may be the closest you’ll ever get to an orgasm.
Gonna hit the hay. Using computer for 2 hours + hairband pressing painfully at temples = self-induced pounding headache.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
There’s no proper food in the fridge containing the mummified terrapin. Oh wait, I lied, there’s half a doughnut. By proper food I mean proper food, like cabbage. My dinner consisted of a Pop Tart, mango pudding, apple pie and a sundae. Très très wholesome and nourishing. It may be nourishing fatwise but perhaps not vitaminwise.
I have to explain the mummified terrapin because the first sentence of this post just sounds too odd. My mum used to keep a pet terrapin which was ugly and slimy, typical of all terrapins or things that live in a shell. That’s why 90% of NJ should be in a shell. Not Belvia and her tortoise shell though. I think it’s mean of me to accuse the terrapin of being ugly and slimy because ugly is subjective and slimy, well it’s just its way of life isn’t it. Anyway I am the victim here ok! I have to ingest food kept in the same place as the terrapin’s carcass!! My mum kept the dead body wrapped up and placed it in the freezer, for what reason I don’t know. To pay respect to our late pet I suppose. It’s been there for a few years already. The terrapin has probably 成精. God of my fridge. Residing neatly above my precious ice cube tray.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
I've lost every last fragment of my humour. Actually humour shouldn't be described in fragments because it is connotative of fragility and humour isn’t fragile. It's like chocolate that can be passed around and cheer up the disconsolate. It should be described in chunks. And I don't even know why I lost it! I mean if I know why then I can get it back right. I need to see a shrink. 1) Lost my humour 2) occasionally thinks in third person perspective (she’s hungry, she needs to eat) 3) contemplated suicide in sec1 SEC 1 can you believe it; already want to die after 13 years. I think it was because I couldn’t adapt to the sudden change from primary to secondary school, and I was callow to say the least 4) a lot of people told me I think weird. I think I lost the humour part due to shock, which then triggered some psychological mutilation. On a brighter note I lost 2kg (in 2 two days, wtf I didn’t know it was physically possible) along with the humour. Maybe that’s the mass of it. 2kg. And I think the thinking in third person perspective is because I'm lonely sometimes. And I think I'm always adding 'I think' in front of all my statements because I'm unsure of them. Omg I need to stop analysing. My mind is forever analysing, forever forming conclusions. I analyse what I say, what other people say, why did someone do this, why did I do this, was I thinking at that time and blah blah a lot more. It’s not like I’m judging you, it’s just, I have nothing to do! It's driving me crazy. But I never take action based on my analysing results when I know I'm just doing it for the sake of doing it not because I really wanted to figure out something. I analyse a lot when I’m upset. Like when the Ph.D holder scolds me I’ll start analysing every single minute detail that my eyes take in so the voice in my head can block out her voice. Something like, hmm there’s a slight stain on her top, must be from the curry dinner just now. How to wash off? Curry seems so difficult to wash off. My mind is so defensive, it tries to block out everything it hates, even my own thoughts sometimes. Why did I talk about analysing, I was supposed to talk about the humour thing. I can’t express how upset I am. Yesterday in class I was doing the Econs essay for my group. Ms Tang walked in for the GC lesson and I stood up for the greeting exchange and I turned around and saw the class laughing happily. Then I felt a huge wave of misery and excused myself to the washroom. I hate crying in front of other people. Who wants to. It ruins your makeup and your vision blurs up and when the tears get in your mouth you can taste your own distress. I rushed in the disabled (disabled mentally) washroom and wept and wept. And embarrassingly enough I didn’t lock the door properly. I thought I did. The cleaning auntie came in and saw me and there was a flurried exchange of apologies before I closed the door again. Damn it. I stayed there the whole time. With 20 minutes to end of lesson I freshened up at the sink (my eyes looked like those of a drug addict) and tried to amuse myself by twisting my hair into a turban shape. Bunkus. It’s really easy you just have to gather all your hair into a ponytail and bring the gathered part to the front, near your forehead. Then you twist it and tuck it under and pin it in place. The whole time in the washroom I had the line from the song Garden of Exile by Toby Martin in my head. I’m only half here, I’m only half here. All the ridiculous stuff Belvia can conjure up weren’t as funny as before. I cried because I thought I can never laugh properly with all the people who matter to me again. At the morning table I did laugh a little yes but still I thought things weren’t as funny as before. I think the most important things in life are humour and humanity and happiness, equally important (followed immediately by beauty and charm, because I’m superficial).
I’m not talking to vegan anymoer. It’s too awkward. It’ll just turn into a staring competition because I have nothing to say. When I see his face, there’s not a thing that I can say, and it’s confusing, whatever I can’t rhyme it anymore. Ah siao (Belvia) said he’s angry at me because I said wanted to slap him. Obviouslt I was so cross he didn’t make things clear in the first place and I misunderstood but not anymore. None of anything anymore, because ah siao told me he misunderstood her question too. But (effing hell my sister just approached me and I closed this page in panic. My family will never be in my life properly no way because I’m about as active as fungus in my family) I forgot what I wanted to say wth. Oh, but I still can’t think of what to say. He’s angry at me and I have to apologise. Actually since I was nine I’ve already made up my mind that if I ever have friendship/relationship conflicts/problems I’ll be the one to apologise first regardless of whether I’m right or wrong. And I remember feeling so pleased with myself because apologizing first seems a marvelous idea. Any friction will be smoothed, all the other party has to do is accept my apology and everything will fall into place again. And so I planned the whole apology thing on my way home. The next day I will reach school early and drag him up to the rooftop(behind the choir store. I think that place is wonderful! Even though it's still a part of NJ, but it's like a separate, like, unaffected part. Like any phobia will be cured there any mood can be lifted there any problem can be resolved there. I must visit it often.) and apologise properly for not talking (cos that time I didn’t know he was angry at me yet) and I was supposed to hold his hand throughout the apology because, wait this sentence is too long. In p1 or p2 I read a story about two kittykats and their names were in Chinese so I forgot them already. Chinese is so forgettable. Anyway they were really close to each other or something and one day because of some fish they quarreled really badly. And so they went their own ways. Kittykat1 really wanted to everything to resume so it (forgot he or she. When their names are in Chinese you can’t really tell, like the two China pandas; pingping anan or something) went to seek advice from the Wise Woman of the Forest, who told it to find its own solution since it’s its own problem so it has to solve it itself. (why is the story so, practical? China people are like this, each man for himself. The kittykat travelled such a long distance why couldn’t this fairy woman thing just advise it?). And so it did and even though the story didn’t mention it but the illustration showed kittykat1 holding kittykat2’s hand when it was apologising and, I don’t know, the idea got stuck with me. Obviously it’s only for proper apologies, not like when you bump into a stranger by accident and you grab his hand and say sorry because that’d be queer. In Asia. He’d sue you probably, for physical misconduct. The last page was a picture of the 2 kittykats hugging, for a really long time, according to the book. And because of that I’ve stuck with the notion that the best way to apologise is by holding hands and hugging. I think there’re so many unsaid things you can put into a hug. But I’ve never done either one before because I’m like damn passive, any conflict and I will give in first because I hate conflicts so I’ve never really had to do any major apologies (except in sec1 with xuyue but I refused to do it). Oh wait I’ve done the holding hand thing in p4, omg embarrassing ttm. But oh well the next morning when I came to school MQ forgot to withdraw money from the ATM to lend him so I power-walked with him to the nearest petrol kiosk. When we went back to NJ I wanted to die from overheating. Who has the mood to apologise anymore right. Each man for himself I must save my own life first by cooling down. And then the idea just died on me la. The moment was gone. You know the Today Is The Day song by Tim Myers? Today is the day. I only know that line.
I’m still very senseless. Can’t laugh and can’t find things as funny as before and can’t find funny things to say.
Can’t talk anymore. I wanted to write all the above out because I don’t want anyone to see it especially vagan himself but no one reads my blog anymore so it’s safe I guess. Oh and plus he doesn't know the url. But still there's something satisfying about seeing such a long blog entry. And I don’t want my hand to dislocate. I’m more of a typing person I guess. I write so slowly that in the process of writing I can forget what I want to say. Why do all my statements have so many ‘I’s. I must be a really self-centered person.
I re-read this post and I think it's at best pretentious and at worst insignificant. Is it because we can never really express ourselves properly when the feeling is too..complex? I think people who can express themselves fully are so amazing. Thoughts to words, visionary to concrete, is such a wondrous process. The human language is so amazing, fascinating, overwhelming, after countless remarkable evolutions. Each language is so very unique. But I think the common language really is humanity, the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
My first few months in JC are a blur. A dark blur, with pounding headaches and overloaded expectations. Everyday I can only revolve around my friends, like they are the lighthouses who guide me in a sea of strangers. Other people split the day like: morning assembly, Math, Chem SPA, rush homework, consult teachers. I split the day like: morning meeting with awesome people, spammage of lessons, break with Belvia, spammage of lessons, taking the bus home with awesome people.
JC really gives people severe brain-drain. My brain, after being bruised on a daily basis with useless information, is now about as functional as a shattered light bulb; totally, completely extinguished. I bet everyone wants the race to stop too. But instead, they just join in the mugging marathon. And the sad thing is I think I kind of understand why. It’s the ridiculously inflexible education system that forces people to work non-stop, in fear of being left behind. These people are really boring la. Some time ago in class, we were asked to write about our passion. Everyone had such boring topics such as Biology(omg wtfh). I wrote about plastic surgery which I’m truly interested in. How can anyone be actually interested in a subject taught in school? It’s sad because it’s tres tres pathetic to understand how the minds of these machines(they are not alive) work. But the even sadder thing is I will have to join them sooner or later in the destruction of brain cells. I remember those few months before O levels when I tried to cram information at every spare moment available: recess, lunch, after school, even during other lessons. It was like academic hell. OK I dunno what the hell academic hell is but still.
I hope, at the end of these two years, I will have gained more than just an A level certificate. I hope I’ll be able to keep some old friends and maybe make a few new ones. The longest friendship I’ve ever kept lasted for six years. None were longer than that. Something always comes up and everything we’ve built up together crumbles. Maybe it’s just due to my own awkwardness, but please, I really don’t want to lose any more of my current friends. In NH I’ve made so many and yet lost so many friends. They’ve all left; filtered out of my palms like water into nowhere. At first, I tried to keep them in vain. Then I just became numb to the feeling. Because it happened so often, all I felt was indifference.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Wtf I hate male touch. My inner-lesbian side and girly side had a long hard debate about whether I hate male touch, which stretched over the period of several months and the lesbian emerged victorious. I hate male touch. It's such a big deal to me that it should be capitalised. Male Touch(wtf sounds like some movie title). My girly side says that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and I should just relax but my lesbiany side, being the more rational one, firmly states that this is a very serious matter and should be looked into.
The deciding event that made me reach my decision that I resent Male Touch was when BlahBlah hugged me during truth or dare. Really it'll be a super fun game if the dares didn't involve boys or men or even she-men. But anyway, my face totally changed when he touched me. It's really not that I have something against BlahBlah, it's just that I suddenly jerked awake. So this is how it will be like in a relationship? It's gross, really, Male Touch generally(90% +-) is gross to me. I know right it's so immature of me to think like this. Plus I'm from a co-ed school I should have no problems with guys. But really I don't know what's wrong. It just feels weird, bizzare and honestly, slight gross. Not gross like associated with dead bugs but gross like...I dunno how to say...when you shudder all over? No I don't know how to express it. I always can't express myself properly and end up being misunderstood so my point is that I really need to improve my English. But no digressing. Unless the Male is gay(as in really gay in terms of sexuality) I will feel uneased. I re-read everything above and realized that I sound really loser like some nun and have never interacted with the opposite gender before. Omg this is really hard to be put into words. It's just a personal opinion. I have also realized that I dislike(must try to stay away from "hate", it's too strong) guys calling me pretty because in my honest opinion(*sigh* again, I'm extremely opinionated today, it must be menopanse) I'M NOT!! Really it's incredulous man. Frizzy hair, small eyes, acne scarring, actual acne, oily skin, size-of-Mars pores, flabby legs and stomach, unsharp nose, upper lip jutting out. Wow! I am simply gorgeous. (Lol I know people don't normally look so closely so I highlighted all the flaws. Now you know.) You can call me smart humorous compassionate whatev just not pretty. Sigh I'm lost for words...I'm not saying people shouldn't say I'm pretty simply because I beg to differ. I'm saying it's really weird to be called pretty by other people. No idea why. This is just a personal opinion ok! Wtf I feel like millions of people are judging me through their computer screens right now when in reality um probably no one reads my thoughts here. I dunno why I feel like this and think so weirdly, influenced by my growing-up environment perhaps? If you(guys only) think I'm pretty (which you seriously shouldn't or you are definitely blind man), keep it to yourself please I don't want to hear your opinion I only want to hear mine.
So to counter my girly side, my inner-lesbian killed it. I know everything might sound very humorous but really THIS IS NOT A JOKE. I just tried to draw up an interesting post so that some people might actually persist to read to the end. I'm very like 'hua chi' and easily infatuated but I swear moooost of the time, as soon as I got the attention(of males, being the attention-seeking whore I am), I want to toss it away! So screwed up right what's happening??! If you want to know my truthful answer to your question is that I don't know.
I will now remain 100% indifferent to all hints of romance however trivial with guys until I graduate from JC. Is that lesbiany? Hmm no I don't think so because I don't like girls in the romantic sense either. Wtf I even have to argue with myself over something that should be clear-cut. My sexuality is screwed man. Amen.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
My ringtone is "Do It Well" by J Lo. It begins like this: do it, do it, do it well~~ *music*. My sister can actually tell me she hears it like: Joy joy joy joy. It's not even close in the slightest bit.
She has developed an on-off American accent omg it annoys the socks off me when she does it even though I might not be wearing socks.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Now when people call me Cara it feels very...cold? Foreign maybe. Yi Ting is more welcoming. Only my sec school ppl call me Yi Ting. But have to use Cara in workplace next time(unless I successfully become a tai tai) so um let's just put up with it. I might meet my future colleagues or boss in NJC. Which brings me to my next point: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND JOBS NAOO?? How come even like university graduates cannot find jobs??? Then what about our batch when it's our turn?? Omg stupid inflation everything is like so expensive nao... What if we can't even buy like rice or something because the price has soared to like 50 bucks per kg?? (Oh damn I use "like" a lot unknowingly.)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I skimmed through the post on working at Isetan and realized it sounded almost incoherent. I didn't manage to really express how I felt about my first job and the post looks as if written by a preschool kid with a below-average grasp of the English Language.
Ok anyway, my dad is pestering me now again. At some point in time in the past five years, I've developed a growing dislike for him. For both of my parents actually, but more for him. I know it's wrong(or is it?) to say this about them but then again there are no restrictions to what one can and cannot like, is there? Guilt turmoils with resentment as well, but I can't help the feeling. It's not even rational, what I'm feeling. Everytime he asks me something(as trivial as where to go for dinner), my blood pressure would increase tenfold. Recently he's been extremely vexing on asking about me O's grades. Can't you see the annoyance that flickers across my face(not subtly) everytime you ask about that? Could I have inherited my dislike for him from my mum? Sometimes I would realise how much I ignore him and inwardly squirm with guilt. But mostly it's all-out ignoring, like some freaking cold war. I don't know why I resent him so much though. Did I pick up the vibes from my mum? She treats him really really badly, like how someone would brush off an irksome fly. They barely seem to make anymore contact at all. I don't live in a healthy family. At the age of 16 I've perfectly inherited her brusque way of treating the only man in the house. It's because of him that I sometimes, more often than not, recoil(internally duh) to people's touch, unless I happen to like the person. What's this what's this?!! One of life's simpler pleasures, ruined for me.
I think I'm some asshole, going around black-mouthing my own family online lol.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I just made chocolate mousse for the first time and it tastes delicious so rich so decadent really I must be a born genius chef there is no other explaination.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Kite-flying is like holding a string and staring up at some cloth fluttering away in the air, and also...oh wait, that's all to it. Imho it falls squarely into the category of talk-cock-sing-song-play-guitar. Which makes it fun I guess?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Omg it's so cold I'm reaching my freezing point.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, December 25, 2010
It's 2330 now, around the time when I normally reach home from work at Isetan Shaw House. I do toy-promoting on the basement level. Through the job I met many lovely new people. They are Katherine, Celia, Jot, Auntie Eng, Xin Ling, Cherie, Jaypee, Monica, William and others(who aren't lovely and I don't fancy talking to again).
I miss my job! It feels like a stomach ache, like how much Harry misses Hogwarts? Now I've stopped working after being transfered to Suntec City but I still miss the old one at Shaw House so much! It pains to think about all I've experienced and discovered there. Isetan possesses a warmth I find hard to put in words. Everyone should try working there once. Anyway, YT thinks I miss the job because of the people there, which is true to only 50%. More so, I miss the job because of the carefree lifestyle I've chanced upon there. Arriving at work at 2pm, slipping on the apron, promoting the toys, talking to and laughing with the fun co-workers there. I want this life. Honestly I wouldn't mind living like this for a salary of $1000 a year. It's selfish to say I miss the job because of how I felt relaxed there. I miss it too because of who I've met. I'm sure it wouldn't have been so fun if not for them. I don't care about the $5 per hour pay, I just want to work like that with them forever.
I remember so much from the three weeks there. On the first day Katherine told us we need to buy comfortable shoes for sales promoters spend long hours standing, so I bought a pair of rounded tip flats from Far East Plaza the very next day but failed to meet the comfort factor again. On the same trip, I also bought lunch(OMS from Shihlin) for YT, Celia and myself. I remember eating one whole pack of peppermint éclairs everyday for the first few days of work. Incidentally they weren't even éclairs(as claimed on the packaging), just sweets with peppermint chocolate filling. I'd hide the pack behind the tv and eat when no one's looking. After a few days I got bolder and popped sweets into my mouth without a care of being detected(eating during working is not allowed). Jot told me my hair looked hen3 kong3 bu4 on the first day I decided to let it down, so Katherine did my hair for me into a Japanese-style bun with a hair chopstick. I felt pleased then and admired it from all angles in the reflective pillar. I shared the omu rice available in the Isetan supermarket with YT for dinner on the first day. Katherine, Jeanice and I often had sushi after 9pm because it's HALF-PRICE! I remember Kat likes raw salmon, scallop and crabmeat mayonnaise. On the first day I felt lost as YT and I went up the scary long escalator. After we found our working area, I tried desperately to cram in the vast amount of toy information Stefani was reeling off. I remember the anticipation every morning I felt as my bus approached the bus-stop outside Royal Thai Embassy. I would get down hurriedly(just to clock in a few extra minutes on my punch card) and half-run to the entry of the office building. More often than not, I would see Cheng Kai having a smoke break at the benches near the road. My bag would swing wildly on my arm and I recall hitting a child once on the head(thank god he didn't cry). I would walk the long narrow stretch of tiled floor and deposit my bag at the security office daily. It was more than a routine to me. Our business was really good and we would restock every few days. There was once when we received snow globes that didn't sing as promised on the box, so I went to level 4 to borrow screwdrivers in an attempt to open one and find out what's wrong. Some guy tried to help me and he ended up breaking it haha. I found Jaypee to be really nice and was forever seeking excuses to go up to level 4, just to catch a glimpse of him and hopefully have a chat. Haha so sorry to Jeanice and YT. Before Jeanice started work I would go home alone every night and walked home with a stranger once, who I later found out was William, Isetan's shoe supervisor. Btw Isetan stocks really good shoe paddings! They'll save any painful sole day. I remember my frustration during the first morning when I couldn't get the TV games to work, then my frustration at the customers when they actually started working(Press A to start ball! You have to swing the remote to hit the ball before it hits the ground! You're too slow, it's somewhat like real tennis! No of course it's not Wii!). I was delighted when I could operate the toy piano. Katherine told me to leave the Jingle Bells song on for a festive mood. I loved the mochi sold by Jot near the cashier and shared a box with YT before. J and I would sit on the escalators after work because we would be worn out. Auntie Eng was really cute and always asked if I have eaten whenever we met. I fell asleep one night when I was doing night shift alone on the platforms and Jot totally frightened me when he shouted BOO. Oh and I was bewildered when Joey told me to put the toys on the of the platform and under the wagon on the first day. I kept picturing the MRT platform and the horse-driven carriage haha! A platform is just a wooden thing you put stocks on the a wagon is this foldable display cart with an empty space below. Sales jargon... Jaypee came down and helped us once, when stocks arrived and he tripped over the Pokemon boxes. I remember laughing because he looked so adorable. I felt shocked and sad when I discovered that Celia and Kat were smokers. Last Sunday when I went back to visit I breathed in a considerable amount of second-hand smoke while talking to Kat. Jeanice and I would do afternoon shift while YT did morning shift. I walked home with J and Kat and William on the second last day and Kat gave J and I papaya. Kat, Jot, J and I once sat in McCafe and had Pepper Lunch takeaway haha! Jot, Kat and I once went to Orchard Towers for dinner and I spent $7 on freaking economic rice...Kat said it was qiao1 zha4. On the last day we spent a long time wrapping up our stocks and clearing up. YT and J did full shift that day. Jaypee came down at night to supervise and I found out he was here on a one-year contract and would be returning to his country in June. No more seeing him after that. We went home super late that night.
All these are some of my memories of my first job. I love it.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
This is so funny lol. Earlier I thought suddenly I smelt China. Then I looked outside the window and saw that the haze has returned. It's like the air there.
Monday, November 29, 2010
I am still angry... Verbally abusing people doesn't soothe me. I want to bash her really hard. I must be violence-personified.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Omg this is it I've realized what it's like to live with an asshole. This is the last time I'm saying my sister is really dumb shit and it's freaking true. I quit trying to be nice to her once and for all. From today onwards she will be a stranger to me. Who the hell is she?! I can live with a bird-brain who makes excuses no longer. She is officially not related to me anymore. Always trying to do me in.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Bi Rain and Christina Aguilera Pepsi Comercial
KYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! How can one sound sexy just by saying "da da da"?! I love his husky voice aarrrrrgh! Xtina was cool in the vid too love her hair and voice!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Btw was doing some aimless surfing when I discovered that Big Bang did a (korean) cover of Maroon 5's This Love. Wow I knew there was something! Thought Big Bang copied Maroon 5. Anw I tried to find Maroon 5's MV on Youtube and apparently you have to be at least 18 years of age to view it, so I had to specially create an account (=.=) and now I know why it's M18.
This is Big Bang version:
Which is better?? I think the first, because it's less cheesy.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Studying at the library.
Pros:
No mother to nag at you.
No internet to disturb you.
Cons:
Have to reach early to snag seats.
Too quiet sometimes.
Have to run outside every thirty minutes to thaw your frozen bottom.
Might hear someone in the loo tearing open a sanitary pad vigorously and discover her to be your primary school classmate wth.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
I am eating grapes and typing, typing and eating grapes, eating grapes and more grapes.
Went to the library with F and YT. The room beside Galileo Cafe is SO much more conducive than the reference level. If you're a regular there you'll know what I mean. There will ALWAYS be a bunch of Tan Ah Bengs (and their female counterparts) twittering about at a table near your own.
Conversation I overheard while visiting the library washroom some weeks ago:
Tan Ah Beng (TAB)#1: Hey you wanna come to my house to play ball later?
TAB #2: Uh...how many you have? One ball not fun leh...
TAB #3: Obviously two la how many you think he has?!
*raucous and uncouth laughter*
Seriously I was robbed of speech.
Back to studying. The room next to Galileo Cafe is also perfect for sneakily eating when you're peckish. No one ever patrols the area, except for a random security guard poking around once in two hours? I LUUURVE breaking rules without getting caught. You see, it's just an example of the lax morals I have. I got past the security guard at the entrance for bringing food in too WHEE it's quite gratifiying when you succeed! It's not like you "sha ren fang huo" or anything so it's quite all right~
Oh my sis just swiped my grapes from under my nose... I am her math slave I'm telling you! Her school must be bonkers to set such questions(bordering on undoable). Literally spent 1.5 hours on a trigo question before cracking it.
Sometimes I just abruptly lose the interest to blog with a *snap*. Lucky I don't feel the same way about living.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
In time to come, even when I'm older than Mdm Surin, with wrinkled parchment as a pathetic excuse for my skin and scabby knees that shake uncontrollably and a brain filled with bits of fluff, I will never stop blogging. A blog is like an online Pensieve to me, where I can siphon out my thoughts and swirl them in, where they can be viewed and reviewed later as reflection and at leisure. The fact that nobody really reads my blog is even better, it makes it like a confidential diary(lol repeated), like your own little space to confide in(oops cheesy language slip).
For now, I'm unable to siphon out my thoughts as freely as I wish. The reins of O Levels are cutting deeper every day, leaving my mind raw and bleeding anxiety. I just hope after the hurdle, my remaining inner being will be at least slightly more than a sheer husk of a person. Of course, with all the other issues murking around, exhaustion of my academic capability will not be the only factor to my degeneration. Let's cross our fingers and pray for the best everyone. Good luck on your journeys too.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
I really really love Ellen Degeneres, she is my inspiration. Her sincerity, humour and charisma are brilliant. She never sits before her guests do so and always has something to compliment them on. All the people attending her show are always in good spirits and look genuinely happy to be there. The place has a relaxed atmorphere, like time has stopped right there and then. She is really an amazing woman. I love you Ellen!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
entertaining
Irish, Huh?
Upper East Side girl reading book about knights: Mommy, what does our family crest look like?
Upper East Side mom: Poor people being crushed by a boot.
--Playground, E 72nd St
Overheard by: Dude under the shoe
via Overheard in New York, Jul 30, 2010
Tonight's Movie: Naked Lunch
Female suit: I don't think I have time for lunch.
Male suit: Let's do a quickie.
Female suit: Do you even know what that means?
Passerby suit, pumping arms: Go for it, guys!
--44th St & Vanderbilt
Overheard by: Hell Yeah
via Overheard in New York, Aug 1, 2010
Where Reality Show Contestants Come From: Explained.
Gay man #1: There's always a moment in plays where someone has the chance to drop their morals and go for the money...
Gay man #2: But that opportunity never arises in real life. I keep waiting. Got my morals all bagged up and ready to go!
--Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Julie
via Overheard in New York, Aug 2, 2010
Monday, August 02, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Compilation of my favourite routines from So You Think You Can Dance. THEY'RE ALL AWESOME!
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
John Legend - Green Light (2010 FIFA World Cup™ Kick-off Concert)
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Dark Origins
Ever since I read that book, my consistently dull and limited imagination drove straight to, uncontrollable. I was curled up in the library reading it and felt like using the washroom. Usually I treat it as paying a visit to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, because that's just how it really is, dark and gloomy. Today, just before I stepped in, I paused with my hand on the door, mind on the book, and for some bizarre reason my heart beat increased a notch. But I dismissed my thoughts as er, crap and went in anyway. Then, even more stupidly, I somehow contemplated on leaving the cubicle door unlocked, should a quick escape(from dunno-what) prove necessary. Eventually, I decided to use the bright washrooms at Jurong Point instead, just opposite, to spare myself of emotional instability(lol, TEMPORARY). So before I exited I washed my hands, AND, even the soap mocked me. The dispenser squished a large dollop of lurid red gel onto my outstretched hand and I actually withdrew it immediately and flinched. Red red red, the colour of blood. Usually I loved how my hands were left lingering with the fresh berry scent, but today it just reminded me of...brain matter. They should have used peach, a far less dangerous colour.
When I stepped out of the library, it was pouring outside. I had a good half hour to kill, which I was planning to spend on window shopping in Jurong Point, but due to the rain I could only wait outside the library glumly. After only ten minutes I felt bored already. The wind was puffing and puffing. The concrete pillar returned no warmth or comfort to my shoulder. I ran my finger along its rubber depressions between tiles. A clap of thunder then caused me to, um, spasm(isthishowyouuseitlol?) and leave a mark on the latex with my fingernail. I think the phobia went a little too far lol.
Thinking of KR brings some strange comfort, even though I can't bring myself to admit it.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
testing html~
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I removed the tagboard! To wish me happy birthday you have to do it in person! =)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I TORTURE MYSELF
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Man I think the more I develop the more I become a Wen Ti Xiao Hai. I know, people who say they are wentixiaohai are actually not, but I think I'm stirring so much trouble for my family..Sorry Mom and Dad! I'm not good with talking so I try to put my heart-felt feelings into this post instead. I know I'm forever pushing you two out of my life, I'M SORRY! It's difficult right now, maybe because I'm really stressed out. I will try harder I promise!
Saturday and Sunday were dirty, because I didn't shower since Friday night, AT ALL! Cos I learnt from GregoryGORGEOUS that showering too much strips the body and hair of natural oils, so when I'm not going out or anything I try to leave a day or two. But those kinda days would turn out to be bad days. Like today, I didn't even have the guts to open the door for fear of scaring the pizza man with the greasy streaks, so my dad had to shower quickly and open it instead. That means I had pizza again!! Hawaiian and Curry Chicken. It was supposed to be like a celebration for the end of Common Tests, but like the mood's not there at all, cos I keep worrying about my weight. Already had pizza on Friday. Plus the pizza was soggy dunno why(don't think about it), like the dabao from canteen store number one.
OH YES THE DA BAO! Everytime I eat it I can taste grisly bits from the meat(sometimes they'll get stuck between my teeth). Makes me really suspicious where the filling is from. Chicken? Pork? Possibly even rabbit lol. Haha all the other stores have their own problems. Once the seaweed from the suhi from Japanese Cuisine was so resilient, like I had to tug at it with my teeth to tear bits off, similar to eating condoms I suppose, but no one does that right?
You know my parents are so not close. They don't hug kiss do shit. By do shit I mean hold hands. How they survived after so many years is a real mystery to me. I mean like, they don't have needs meh? I myself believe I certainly can't stand such a physically stagnant relationship. I would have found a pimp long time ago. Cos, doesn't it feel nice to be loved and held in embrace? Where is the driving force for the relationship? No wonder they always quarrel over such insignificant matters.
Happy birthday to Zhi Yu! You're sixteen already! Hope you liked your surprise party haha =) Lol I know you will confirm kick butt all across NH during O Levels. Good luck!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
99th post of words of wisdom
Sigh I feel like a slut, and definitely not in a good way. Kept thinking about unneccesary stuff today. People, don't go around having infatuations with others ok, it will ruin your thinking.
YOU! Forgive me please! I really didn't sell you out on purpose! I'm really really really really sorry! I don't even dare to apologise after the first failed attempt because I'm afraid you'll hit me. If you don't talk to me again then band will turn really boring. Then percussion people's ties will become so strained. Then everyone will talk less. Then I will think it's my fault for perc break-up. Then I will feel guilty. Then I might go bulimic. Then I might die. See, it's that close to my death!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
FLAG DAY
I love flag days! Going to do more from now on! But my fave form of CIP is still doing library work, can even have access to hard-to-find books sometimes.
See, I love flag days because today was the first time I collected so much money in the tin! And I was actually REEEALLY taken aback with the readiness how some people can part with their money. QinSi said someone who was about to board a taxi across the road actually ran over to donate $10 before riding off. Insane or what? I also had this guy stuff 21 coins into my can(he laughed at my stunned face after he finished). I was floored. To think that such generous people exist in real life. So it was a real eye-opener for me. I must also donate more! Flag day really helps in developing moral value(for me la). I'm a hypocrite no longer so there.
ALSO(lol must emphasise AUHL-SOHH like Nickel), what's not to love when two cute boys come a-crossing!
Me: Please donate to charity!
A: Ask him.
B: Ask him.
(B then takes out wallet to donate.)
A: Is today World Donation Day or something? *VERY VERY VERY CUTE SMILE*
Lol I remember at this point I was secretly =.= zzz-ing inside but I didn't tell him it's lame (what world donation day) la because in the 21st century peoples' egos are so fragile sigh.
Then I forgot what was said. But B took a sticker and slammed it on A's chest so hard, he stumbled backwards lol strong.
They're still very cute.
Er let's see what other funny conversations did I have...
Me: Please donate to charity!
Man takes out money to donate.
Me: Thank you!
Man: OK girl! *rougish wink*
zz whatev.
Some time later......
Me: Please donate to charity!
Woman shakes head.
Toddler with her: *shows me a donation sticker* *in sing-song voice* ALREADY~~~~~
Me: OK boy! *rougish wink*
LMAO I am so lame right. But I wanted to do that to someone after that guy did it to me HAHAHA it was so funny! The boy stared at me for 3 seconds and smiled back. Kids are so innocent.
Some time later......
I wanted to go for lunch, so I approached a plausible housewife and intended to ask, "May I have the time?" and also, "Would you like to donate to charity?"
What ended up was......
Me: May I donate to charity?
Worst thing was I said it too loudly and also made eye contact. She gave me a perplexed look while I cringed in embarrassment. But she still donated la, at least she didn't walk away and make me look like a complete loser.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Oh shoot I was applying the hair conditioner near the window just now and some blobs fell down below. Hope no unfortunate passer-by was splattered with the stuff...it looks like semen.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My mum just screamed her head off at me for scattering cereal all over the windowsill. The coloured pebbles type. Zzz all right all right she has a point. Will be neater in future ok? *still fuming* She accused me of messing up the house single-handledly everytime it's cleaned. Which is kinda true? True-ish. In this kind of situation, are you supposed to feel remorseful? Ashamed? Somehow I just feel angry and indignant, even though it WAS my fault. But I think it's human nature to feel this way. If someone you don't like shouts at you then it's normal to boil up right? I will change, not for anyone, but because I want to be a better person. Selfish ma.
I remember in primary school, it was always each man for himself(except for friends and not-friends-but-people-I-like-la). I was talking about this to someone quite a long time ago, and she told me when humans show compassion for others, they are still hypocritical because they only want others to think well of them. I strongly disagree but didn't voice out my opinion. I have no reasons for my stand, but I just think it's so judgmental to think of people in this way and I don't believe that humans are so deceitful anyway. As long as they're not anyone I know. I choose to believe the best of everyone I meet now, because there's no point in mistrusting anyone without a basis and making them upset. If everyone takes off his "mask", then life will be made so much easier because people will be living their lives with their true personality. No wariness or doubt need occur.
Actually the thing that triggered me to write the above paragraph was an article in the HCL re-test paper. Getting back results tomorrow. Elephants in my stomach on a wild rampage.
Oh my god Yan Ting is practically a hair-tying sensation now all thanks to meeee!, and Felicia for letting her practise on her ha! Tomorrow maybe will attempt to tie the fishtail braid again, but it's so troblesome man!
I just found out that my sis and mum(lol why did I type mom just now) share my pimple picker without telling me WTF! Can someone please shout HYGIENE??! Going to buy a new one tomorrow zz so angry at them! My sis even used my towel WTFx2 even though I forbid her many times to do it. So naturally I was super pissed off and threw a hissy fit, so she complained to mum and I was reprimanded! "Share towel also won't die what? I really have no towel alr!" Fuming like mad now. Luckily my mum bought 2 new ones, one for each of us. The old dusty blue one is going to be binned. The new funky orange one replaced it. But just found out that it sheds! And when my legs are wet, it leaves hard little pellets of orange fluff on them. Can someone please invent the perfect towel?!! I'd like one that whips the heads of people-who-are-not-the-owner-and-try-to-use-it. Towels can at most be shared only for drying hair ok!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sympathy Overload
I'm always learning new things everyday, no matter how insignificant. Like how I learnt a week ago that Mr Darren Tay sprays saliva while he's talking. Like how I learnt that the awesome Mr Tan is Zhong Ni's form teacher.
So today, I learnt that I cannot handle sympathy. When I had my O Level Chinese results today, I was disappointed when I saw the small black "B" on the slip. But I still couldn't break down in front of everyone so I just shouted with awkward bravado, "I got a B!" While crying inside. Gone through the whole process of witnessing various A-scorers hi-fiving with ecstasy. So far so good, still didn't cry out. Then when Felicia hugged me, tears burst forth in downpours. But of course I wiped everything away immediately and didn't let anyone see la, a little loserish for my liking. This is only the second time I cried in school. The only other time being at Sec One when I was slapped. The situation was similar; it was controlled at the beginning, only when people started asking if I was all right did I burst into tears. I can only take in a teaspoon of sympathy before I start flooding the place. Hum hum..I hope it's normal to feel this way.
Went to band today. Kester intrigues me. Just like how Britney Spears, Felix, Mr B Tan used to. Lol I think I'm always intrigued by people who I didn't use to notice.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Surfing the net for more Jude Law info when WTH I came across a pic of him naked. Totally uncensored and all. Don't say I went looking for porn because I saw the link in another blog. Ahem, not going to post the link here but those interested can ask me HAHAHAHA(serious).
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
SHERLOCK HOLMES!
HOT!
Older men have all the appeal.
The movie simply, blew me away. Loved every bit of the plot. Everything was so unforseen, out of the blue. The way Holmes and Watson click together is just, WOW! But I can't believe Watson is Jude Law. He's aged that much?! And my whole ding-dong family prefers Hua Mu Lan. Don't get it.
Robert Downey Jr with Rachel McAdams! MATCHED!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
My sis' mad at me for guzzling all the peanut nougat. Lol sorry~ I ate them cos I was alone at home. When I'm alone my first instinct is to strip the fridge of all food. I've morphed into a female Garfield completely.
Pizza Hut with Maggie yesterday at Jurong Point. I had Chicken Pomodoro and she had Spicy Chicken Pomodoro. And mine had to come with yucky olives. I swear everytime I visit Pizza Hut the menu changes! I remember the signature pasta dish used to be Chicken Neapolitan or Chicken Carbonara or other whatnots and now it's changed to Chicken Pomodoro but it tastes EXACTLY THE SAME! Even the ingredients are the same. =.= Spaghetti, chicken, tangy tomato based sauce...so confusing! But I always ordered minestrone soup cos I love all vegetable-based soup! And I hate cream-based soup(the minestrone is never on the Soup of the Day T.T ).It's virtually a bowl of pure fat. Very shocked to discover, just yesterday, that minestrone is not pronounced mine-strone but mee-ne-STRO-nee. I've been saying it wrong for 5 years! *Buries head in shame*
Everytime on the MRT when I hear the announcement "No eating or drinking is allowed on stations and trains", I have a bizzare impulse to reply "Yes?" The "eating" part really sounds like Yi Ting.
Everytime on the MRT when I hear the announcement "No eating or drinking is allowed on stations and trains", I have a bizzare impulse to reply "Yes?" The "eating" part really sounds like Yi Ting.
I love Foxfire so much! Listening to it daily. Much better than Twin Oaks. Xylophone parts on Foxfire are also more challenging. But I screwed it all on the Bella Notte Musicale concert. So much that I improvised Les Miserables all the way =.= Very sorry to Mr Tan! Especially after all the effort he's put in. Stage fright got the better of me...maybe more practice next time will work. I REALLY PROMISE, I WILL WORK HARDER IN BAND NEXT YEAR! Not a piecrust promise ok!
MY MUM JUST BOUGHT MORE NOUGATS! BYE!
(Omg, just look at my half-baked apology.)
(Omg, just look at my half-baked apology.)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
I finished a whole pack of peanut nougats myself today. Washed down with loads of soda(burp). Seriously going on herbivorous diet tomorrow. All that green stuff. I must stop eating sugar! I think my sugar consumption alone takes up at least 10% of my family's monthly grocery bill. My sister's immense love for all soy products takes up another 10%. Around 40% goes to buying fish and the rest, vegetables and miscellaneous. My mum also loves all those weird herbal berbal stuff. Like how she's drinking some weird rose tea out of the spindly tea-cup now. My idea of a comfort drink on a rainy night is warm black coffee in a sturdy mug with extra sugar, not some mild tea with fussy petals floating on top in a fragile cup.
Anyway, my family's going to my parents' friend's house tomorrow. On Chinese New Years or Christmases, all we've EVER VISITED is them. Like, we've ONLY been to their house, no one else's, because all my family's relatives are in China. It's gotten really boring now going there annually, so everytime a visit crops up, I'll make up some excuse not to go or, if they're coming over, I'll make up some excuse to get myself out of the house for the whole day.
Excuses I've used so far which were all not true:
Going shopping with Anyang
Going swimming with my friends
Going to my teacher's house to celebrate her birthday
Going to the library to do project
Going to band practice
Wriggled out of so many visits, dunno how long I can keep it up. I suppose I should go at least once in a while, for manners' sake. But tomorrow I'm going to the library to do CIP with Maggie and have dinner together afterwards, so, WHATEVER! I always feel bored when I go over. Like all they do is to discuss their extensive wine collection and their son's lousy results. I remember I used to have a crush on him when I was really young(7 years old I guess, we've been visiting the same and only family since I wasn't even born yet till now, can you say pathetic?) because he was really fun and spontaneous. I used to race him around the void deck(and lose spectacularly) and laugh and joke with him and everything. Now that he's older(20 I think?) he looks kinda handsome I suppose but all the fun's been lost now that we've matured. Don't like him anymore(AND he's TAN yucks! Not like my gorgeous porcelain Nickel~). We no longer talk, at all. When they come over, he goes down to the court to play basketball. When we go over, I don't even go lol. Even when I do go, I sit on the sofa politely with my legs crossed and hands folded like how they take the class photograph with my most demure smile and pretend to listen to the adults' conversation with an sincerely interested look on my face while actually daydreaming about what I could eat from the fridge if I were at home. Sheesh I feel like Garfield. Once, his mum commented on how I dress too mature for my age (that was when I was Sec 2) and I looked cross and rolled my eyes at her. Think I've left a bad impression of myself on their whole family. But seriously I don't know what was wrong with me during my lower secondary years. Think I was sooooo excited about entering my teenage years, I tried too hard to look grown-up and ended up looking like a cheap prostitute(my firm opinion). I even wore lipgloss to school one day during Sec 1, which Magdelene declared as gross hahaha! Luckily I'm more relaxed now and can laugh about it. I was SOOO super self-concious about myself previously. Any negative comment about me, no matter how insignificant, and major paranoia kicks in.
Ok whatev enough of my details, going to sleep, it's 0330 in the morning! Night, sweeties~
Friday, December 18, 2009